The Ranma Monologues
by brown phantom
Summary: A collection of revised post-manga oneshots where seven characters from Ranma 1/2 tell their views on the events and situations around them. Main pairing RanmaAkane. RyogaAkari and hinted KasumiTofu too.
1. Kasumi, the Quiet One

With the hectic and chaotic day over, I can now relax and let the tension leave me. It must be surprising to hear me say that, considering my reputation. Most people in this hellhole called Nerima-cho think I never get tense or even bothered by the insanity that characterizes it, but they're _so_ wrong. I'm human. Even I get upset and close to losing it. I guess I'm just much more patient and tolerant than most Nerimans.

Perhaps I should explain why I'm in this situation. My name is Tendou Kasumi, eldest daughter of Tendou Soun, and caretaker of the Tendou Doujou. Our home must be the bulls-eye for the chaos in our district, and has been that way ever since the Saotome family moved in. Everyone blames Ranma-kun for the chaos here, especially my two sisters, but not me. The way I see it, the blame is more on the short-sightedness and violent tendencies of those that want a piece of him, one way or another.

Things were bad before though, although not nearly to the present degree. Okaa-san died when I was still young and it changed us forever. Otou-san lost the will to teach and became overprotective of us three, like he was afraid we'd die too. Nabiki-imouto developed her infamous Ice Queen persona and became only interested in things that benefitted or pleased her immediately, most likely out of fear of developing an attachment that was doomed to end in sadness. At least that's what I suspect. Akane-imouto simply lost her control over her anger, as if she wanted to be angry at someone for Okaa-san's death but never bothered to aim it. So instead it just radiates off her like body heat.

You might think I feel I got off easily in the wake of the funeral. I disagree. With everyone being the emotional wreck they were, and often still are, there was no one else left to tend to the house. All the responsibility of a parent had been forced onto me, a 9-year-old girl. And I did it because it had to be done. It wasn't long until they all became dependent on me.

Should have seen that coming, huh?

So now, over a decade later, nothing has changed except our ages. I still do all the work, except reconstruction sometimes, and no one gives it a second thought. Nabiki-imouto at least has the burden of managing the use of the budget, but acts like that's all the burden she can handle. Although I think it's more of a hobby than a helping hand really. Otou-san does nothing but play go or shogi with Saotome-san and drink. Akane-imouto at least tries to help me sometimes but usually makes things worse since she's so impatient, as if she tries to do it faster than me if not better. As for Ranma-kun, well, he's got enough to deal with so I don't hold it against him. Don't ask about Saotome-san. He's worse than Otou-san, and I wish that was only regarding housework.

As much as I love my family, there are days I wish I could disappear like that Hibiki boy. They have taken my life from me. Or had I simply surrendered it long ago? I have so few friends I can keep in touch with now, which doesn't help. Most have college and tend to stay out of touch, as if chaos was contagious. My duties prevent me from getting a job or a lovelife. So what life I have is spent tending to whoever happens to be under this roof. Does that really even count as a life?

And the worst part is that I can't change it. Everyone is so dependent on me that if I tried to stop they'd practically starve and live in squalor. They can't tend to themselves anymore it seems, outside of cleaning their rooms. Thank the kami they all at least do _that_ chore on their own without prompting, except Saotome-san at times. Otou-san's hopeless, Nabiki-imouto avoids housework like the plague, and Akane-imouto...well...let's just say that Kuno Kodachi's poisons are less cruel to give than her cooking. There are times all this seems rather pathetic for them, being so completely dependent on me for so long.

But I can't act like it bothers me. Last time I did, about a month after Okaa-san's funeral, I sorely regretted it. Otou-san only actually took care of the doujou part itself and the family shrine; apparently he forgot the rest. Or so he claimed. Nabiki-imouto said that without an allowance she had no motivation, and I sure as hell couldn't give her one. And Akane-imouto, being young, tempermental, and impatient, accidentally made the messes worse in the process. Afterwards, it was silently agreed that everything worked out best if I did it all myself.

So that's why I do everything in that house. No, that's why I do everything in MY house. It may be in Otou-san's name, and others may live there too, but that place runs on MY sweat and blood. I run it, and anyone who disagrees is a huge baka. The downside is that I don't or can't have a life of my own outside of it. Maybe inside it too. Sadly I can't find time to be with a certain doctor, although his comical antics in my presence are to blame too. I also have to permanently smile for others and act content to keep things going smoothly.

You'd be surprised how often I've silently wished for someone to take my place for just one night.

Now at night, I sneak out and head out for a moment and place of privacy. I don't worry about followers; no one would want to follow me. After all, everyone assumes I can't feel anything but joy and serenity. Bakas. I'm a human, not a goddess.

I find an empty lot that has seen a lot of martial arts spars and damage. More couldn't possibly hurt. I stand in the center and perform a kata to ease myself and meditate. I may not be a practicing martial artist myself, but I am a dojo child and I see a lot of fights and spars. Plus I am the first born and Otou-san, being the traditionalist he is, wanted his first born to know a few skills. I do know a few things about the arts.

With the kata complete, I extend my arms outward and form a dark purple ball of chi between my hands. I point up and cry "Juushi Kanwa" as the tension-based chi leaves my body and shoots upwards like a firework. Under the black of night, none would see my attack. Appropriate, since no one saw the stress that caused it.

Relieved now that I literally got the stress out of my system, I return home. MY home. And to more chaos that will inevitably start up again. This wasn't the first time I used the Juushi Kanwa, and with all that happens in the devil's playground called Nerima-cho, it surely wouldn't be the last time.

Ever hear the phrase "It's always the quiet ones" ? Well, it's true.

_Juushi Kanwa=Stress Relief_


	2. Ryoga, the Lost One

Night has come, and I guess it's just as good a time as any to set up camp. And it's a good place to too. All I see is the familiar sight of trees, grass, rocks, and stars. And yet it's not familiar enough for me to recognize where I am. Once again, I'm lost like always.

If you don't already know me, my name's Hibiki Ryouga. I'm probably better known as P-Chan, Lost Boy, Jackass, Charlotte, Bacon Breath, and others I'm probably not even aware of. I'm not exactly a respected person so my nicknames should tell you just how everyone sees me. Nearly everyone in Nerima-cho looks down on me because of one of my weaknesses, mostly my horrible sense of direction. And the weird thing is that that particular district is practically home to me now. Hell, I've been there more in the past month than my real home in the past four or five years. Just how long have I been wandering around, trying to get anywhere? Time has no meaning for me most days.

However long it's been, it's been the most trying time of my life. I've been cursed in China to turn into a piglet, which explains many of the nicknames. I've had gained more rivals than I cared for, all because I wanted to best my main rival Saotome Ranma just once. I've been humiliated in many ways I may never be able to forget. Like the times with the stupid face on my stomach or the... ugh... incident with the magic fishing rod. That gave me nightmares for weeks.

But... I guess the past few years, the last two in particular, weren't a complete waste. I have learned some new martial arts techniques that greatly help me out, like the Bakusai Tenketsu. I have gained a few friends, like Tendou Akane and even Kuonji Ukyou. Oddly, even Ranma himself is on somewhat friendly terms now somehow. Sure, I still want to defeat him, mostly just to prove I can, but at least I don't feel driven to kill him anymore. The battle with Saffron probably crushed that desire permanently. If he could kill a kami, or whatever the hell that birdman was, then surely I could never kill Saotome Ranma.

Sadly, that wasn't the only desire that was crushed because of that duel. For the past two years, I have secretly longed for Tendou Akane. Although I guess it really wasn't that much of a secret. Practically everyone saw it except Akane-chan herself, although I can't speak for the Kuno's. With how insane and egotistical they are, it's impossible for anyone else to really know what they think. Anyway, I had always hoped that someday she would leave Ranma permanently and choose to be with me. But now I know it can't happen.

Why? Because now, unless you're a Kuno, it's impossible to see that those two care for each other. Ranma managed to kill an immortal being to save her, and she even managed to help him when in a shrunken doll form. They both deny it, but both are afraid to lose the other and want the other to like them back. I've heard that they've calmed their ways after the failed wedding, which I sorta arrived at by accident. I was lost and crashed through a wall, then I heard that some Nannichuan water was there and tried to get it to cure myself. Unfortunately, that shriveled-up excuse of an old freak named Happousai just _had_ to drink it all. Couldn't he have realized it was water and not sake _before_ he swallowed? So naturally, the men who were cursed at Jusenkyou, me included, started a fight because we didn't know how else to react to this.

Even so, curse or no curse, I can't be with Akane-chan the way I fantasized about. If she knew about P-Chan, her infamous anger would mallet me across the Pacific, and that's if I'm lucky. She might even decide to serve me as dinner, although I'm a little sure she wouldn't go that far. Only partially sure, I repeat. Even so, letting go of a crush isn't easy. Just what am I supposed to do now?

Suddenly, I hear a weird noise behind me. One very familiar to me, since sometimes I make it myself, but very out of place. I stop setting up my tent and turn behind me to see a pig stare at me curiously, like a stray dog searching for a handout. It looked more like a farm pig than a wild one. Normally the sight of a pig disgusts me since they remind me of my own weakness, but here I feel mostly curiosity. After all, why would a pig that looked cared for be here in the woods kilometers from any people?

I hear some rustling in the bushes and see a very kawaii girl step out. She wears a sweater and a skirt, and has brown hair with two pink streaks in it. She goes right to the pig and takes ahold of it, saying, "There you are. Don't ever do that again, you hear me." Then she stands up and sees me, and beams brightly like Tendou Kasumi is known to do often. "Ryoga-kun, you're back!" She comes to me and actually pulls me into a hug. It feels nice.

"Hi Akari-chan. Um... what are you doing here?"

She pulls away to look me right in the eyes. Her own are quite kawaii. There's simply no better way to describe this girl. "Silly boy. You're right behind my family ranch. It's on the other side of these trees if you look." I look where she points and definitely see her house. How I missed it I'll never know, because if I did I wouldn't get lost so much anymore. "This scamp ran off again and I had to get him. It's really lucky that you just happened to be here too."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

She sees my somewhat set up campsite. "You can sleep in the guestroom again tonight if you'd like. Then tomorrow I'll help you go wherever you were trying to go."

My heart of ice melts a little. Here's a girl that admires me and is even willing to put up with my Chinese curse and family curse. Maybe it'll be easier to give Ranma and Akane-chan a chance if I give myself and Akari-chan a chance too. "Thank you. But I wasn't really going anywhere tomorrow so if you don't mind I could help you at your home then."

She smiles brightly. "Sure. I'd like that." She then takes my hand and leads me and the runaway pig back to her home. Somehow, I feel like I'm returning home too.

It's amazing how anything lost can be found.


	3. Uyko, the Cute One

The night isn't quite over yet, but I'm going to close early anyway. Past history has shown that at this time of night on this particular day of the week I'm not likely to get any more business. Besides, for the past week or so, I haven't really been up to my business as I used to be. I just can't get into it as much anymore, as if my muse won't cooperate with me for the time being. I haven't been terrible, just not up to my own standards, I guess would be the best way to describe it.

I'm sure you know me. I'm Kuonji Ukyou, considered by many to be the best okonomiyaki chef in all of Nerima-cho, if there actually are more in this part of Toukyou. I should be the best there is, since okonomiyaki has been the focus and lifestyle of my entire family for at least three generations. We've even adopted our martial arts to be themed around the food. I may not be the best martial artist in town, but no one criticises me after I whack them upside the head with my trusty battle spatula.

I love my job here as an okonomiyaki chef, complete with my own little shop called Ucchans, but lately I just can't focus on it. It's because of my now-strained relationship with my best friend and iinazuke, Saotome Ranma. Or as I like to call him, Ranchan. Not too long ago, Ranchan was about to get married to another girl his panda of a father had engaged him to, a violent tomboy called Tendou Akane. At the time I was mad and wanted to make sure they didn't wed, so I used exploding food to ensure that no one would get away with anything I disapproved of. And I wasn't the only one to use extreme measures that day to accomplish their goals.

Looking back, it was kind of stupid. Okay, _really_ stupid. Guess for once I was the jackass. Later I found out that Ranchan hadn't agreed to it or even been aware that his parents were even planning it that day, and he was pretty upset with how I acted. I used my old excuse, that because of our fathers deal and Saotome Genma taking our yattai that we were engaged too and he owed me. I also said that at least he knew me before he knew Akane, even if the engagement to her was there first and the first one he learned of. Ranchan replied by saying that me using explosives was no different than Kuno Kodachi using poisons or Shampoo using potions to manipulate him, like he shouldn't have any freedom in his own life. Like nobody gave a damn what he wanted, me included, he claimed. He also said that he was furious that I practically tried to kill Akane so I could claim him. He asked if I actually thought he would love me if I had succeeded, and I found I had no answer. I must not have thought of that part at the time. He said that if I felt owed something, I should take it up with the panda, but as far as he was concerned, until I settled down, he felt he owed me nothing anymore.

I'll give you one guess as to how I took that.

Since then, I've only seen Ranchan once. Right after the wedding incident, every instinct I had told me to stay away from Furinkan High for a while. And a good martial artist always listens to their instincts. When I did go back, he barely acknowledged me. And when he did look at me, it was as if I was just a classmate, nothing more. It tore me up inside. Had I lost my oldest friend because I couldn't accept defeat in the game his father and others had created?

From what I've heard since then, Ranchan has been pretty rough to most people lately. The Amazons were even more persistent than me and he told them all off rather uncouthly. He also scolded Tendou Nabiki for giving every maniac in Nerima, myself included, a wedding invitation. She knew full well what would happen, and no excuse was good enough for him or Akane. I've heard that things are still hectic there at the Tendou doujou because of people who still want to control Ranchan and Akane for their own selfish reasons. I'm amazed that anyone there hasn't gone completely crazy yet, even the ever-calm Tendou Kasumi. Well, I'm not going to say that the two fathers there are completely sane either.

Controlling Ranchan? Selfish reasons? Does that really describe me too? Initially I want to say 'no', but then again so would the guilty parties. I just wanted Ranchan to marry me and help me run my restaurant and raise a family with me. Was that so much to ask? Why can't he want that with me? What makes Akane so damn special? She hits people so much more than me, like it's the only thing her arms can do. She can't cook, her best dish is still worse than that foul sauce I thought I made ten years ago. And she's so much more like a boy than I ever was. Well, actually I guess that one is somewhat questionable. I did go to an all boys school for a while after all.

With the door locked and the 'open' sign down, I start to get my own dinner and a drink. Since I'm still underage I can't legally serve alcohol yet, but sometimes I wish I could have a drink. My employee and housemate Konatsu is still finishing up the cleaning, so I tell him that dinner will be ready in a little bit. He nods, and I go into the back room to get started. I'm glad that the male kunoichi has gotten better in this business than when he started. That was a financial nightmare that only Nabiki could intentionally plan.

I start making some ramen for the two of us. As much as I love okonomiyaki, I can't live off the stuff. As I wait, I think a little more about Ranchan and me. Maybe I really was getting domineering a bit. If I ever want to claim my iinazuke, maybe I need to be less forceful in his life. With how forceful everyone else is, there's a good chance that he'll leave them all and go to me if I'm less controlling. The only reason I was a little controlling before was because I feared that either Akane or Shampoo would succeed in wedding him if I just stood back. Maybe it's time for a different approach. It couldn't really hurt, since my current one isn't helping.

I shouldn't worry. Ranchan will eventually come to me. After all, I'm the kawaii iinazuke.


	4. Shampoo, the Strong One

It's late at night and I can't get to sleep. Everyone else here is, so I have to keep quiet for their sakes. With nothing else to do, I go to the kitchen, turn on one of the lights and open a book. Luckily it's written in my native language of Mandarin so I have no trouble reading it. Some of these Nihongo ones are still tricky, but I am getting better.

My name is Xian Pu, better known as Shampoo here in the Toukyou district called Nerima-cho. Nice place to live if you're a little mentally unbalanced. I have no intention of making this chaotic town my permanent home. As soon as I accomplish my goals, I'm heading right back to Joketsuzoku quicker than an amaguriken. Doubt I'll ever be back in this country then.

My goal is rather obvious: to acquire my airen Saotome Ranma and take him home with me for us to be a proper husband and wife together. Not too long ago, Airen stopped by Joketsuzoku just as I won a tournament. He and his father started to eat the feast that was my prize, so a disagreement started and Airen had there be another duel to see if they could claim the prize as their own. He won, and that's what started everything.

Of course, at the time I thought Airen was a woman, since he had just come from falling into the Nyannichuan at Jusenkyou and was in his cursed form at the time. So naturally, I thought that an outsider woman had humiliated me in front of the entire tribe. And according to the law, I had to kill her. So I gave 'her' the Kiss of Death and chased 'her' all the way to Nerima-cho. Then I got defeated by Airen in his male form, and as the law demanded, I gave him the Kiss of Marriage. Of course, when the curse became revealed I was confused on Airen's real gender, so I went back home to find out and prepare my heart for the worst. I ended up getting cursed myself by falling into the Maonichuan, but that at least told me how to find out for an absolute fact just what gender Airen really was. Too bad it's also an obstacle to my goal, one I can't kill.

So then I returned to Nihon and found out that Airen was undeniably a man. Thus the Kiss of Marriage was still in effect. I was pretty glad; Airen is handsome and strong and caring, even if a little crass and undefined in his approach. But any jewel can be cut right with the proper treatment, and for all his faults he's infinitely a better man than Mu Tzu. He may be a bit naive about how to show affection, but surely a teenage boy in a country that knows the value of sex appeal can't be too shy on the subject. Granted, he does have great restraint, but that only means he doesn't want to take advantage of a girl's honor.

The only real obstacle to me and Airen being together right away is all the other engagements his panda of a father got him into over the years. There's the Tendou family and the violent kitchen destroyer Tendou Akane, whom Airen does seem to be somewhat close to but can't possibly love. And there's the spatula-loving Kuonji Ukyou. And that's just the ones I know of. If another iinazuke showed up looking for my Airen, it probably wouldn't surprise me at this point.

No matter how many iinazukes Airen may have, it doesn't matter. Chinese law demands that he marry me, and I'm not the only one who'll be punished if he doesn't. Great-grandmother Kho Lon would make sure to do something to him as payback. And even without the law, I'm still the better choice of the three of us. The kitchen destroyer is weak in battle, has an anger management problem no matter how much she denys it, and her so-called 'food' should be handled by a Hazmat team. I wouldn't give it to someone on death row. The spatula girl at least can put up a decent fight for a few minutes, but she's too boyish and she only really knows how to cook that o-ko-mi-yu-ki stuff. I've never quite been able to properly pronounce that dish. And she really believes Airen would be happy working in a restaurant for a living, rather than doing actual work. As if Airen would actually like a life where the highlight of his day is asking a customer what they want.

So I'm definitely the better choice. I'm a strong martial artist, which Airen must respect since he's the best one around. I'm a great chef and I can cook more than one bit of food over and over. I have a great body that all teenage boys, and maybe even a few girls too, fantasize about on numerous occasions. I'm also the best chance Airen has at getting back to China and removing his curse when the springs go back to normal. If he chooses one of the other two they'll just keep him here in Nihon. And back home he'd get to do actual work with his hands and talents, and might even be able to help with the tribes warriors irregardless of his true gender since he's so strong.

I turn the page and hear a familiar noise. It's the sound of tiny feet scratching the wooden floor, a mouse. I can't help but wonder where it is, most likely because of my own curse. I can become a cat so I'm kind of drawn to these types of things. Great-grandmother says that the curse has more effects on a person than just shape-changing, and apparently for me that means a few catlike qualities. That's part of why I'm up so late, since cats are quite a bit nocturnal. I dread to think how Airen's girl curse subtly affects him. Mu Tzu was always a birdbrain so I don't worry about him, nor the panda or pig-boy.

With my attention back on the book, I get to an erotic part and blush, thinking about it being me and Airen doing those things. It shouldn't be too much longer a wait. With how things have been going since the failed wedding, I suspect Airen will make a final decision soon to end the madness. He did say a few things to us here in anger, but that was just a bad mood and he'll be nice to us again soon. Airen's not good at holding a grudge.

Normally by now Great-grandmother would be pushing for me to use some kind of potion or drug to "persuade" Airen to my side. I have done that before, but I don't think I should anymore. For one thing, it never worked and surely he's on guard for that type of thing now. Also, we've pretty much already used everything we have that we can. Great-grandmother has some more tricks up her sleeve, but all that's left are the type of things that could possibly get us deported or arrested. But there has to be a way to get him to see that I'm the better choice for him without having to control him.

Soon I will win the contest for Airen's heart. After all, the strong always win.


	5. Nabiki, the Greedy One

'Another day another dollar' as the Americans would probably say. Since we use yen I'm not sure just how much it applies here, but it's basic meaning seems appropriate. Today has been tough and we're just glad to get it over with. Of course, 'tough' here has had a very strained meaning for the better part of the past two years. If we had a normal day, I think we wouldn't know what to do anymore.

This is the Tendou Doujou, and I am Tendou Nabiki, the middle child of the Tendou family. Also known as the Ice Queen of Furinkan High to most. I'm best known for my ability to make a yen out of nearly any situation. Blackmail and information-handling are my specialties. People either pay me to tell them what they want to know, or to keep my mouth shut. And it's not just the students; some of the faculty have done this too. What I usually do is imply I have what they want and set the price. Everyone usually knows that it's not open to discussion or haggling, but occasionally one tries. Sometimes they even try non-monetary payments. Usually I don't go for those unless they make an enticing offer.

I know exactly how I sound: greedy, self-serving, materialistic, and sneaky. Don't bother trying to make me feel bad about it or lecture me on the ethics of it. If I cared what people thought about me I wouldn't be like this, now would I? Otou-san tried to guilt me out of this hobby some time ago and failed miserably. Kasumi-oneesan almost succeeded because she's so convincing, but even she couldn't make me change. Get the picture? If Kasumi-oneesan couldn't persuade me, who can?

Don't think this means I'm just plain selfish. There are reasons to what I do. First, it's my hobby. Handling and acquiring money are my way of having fun. I always feel in my element when I do this. Second, it's my job in this family. No, I don't provide all our funding. That's a common misconception. Most of the money we use is from Otou-san's city services and the trust fund and stocks Okaa-san left us when she died. And occasionally people pay a rent for the use of the doujou, like for holding parties. What I do is make sure it's spent properly and not too excessively. Occasionally I add to it with my own money, but only if it's necessary. Most of the money I make goes to my college fund or my other interests like my manga.

Today I wasn't really able to make anything. I don't try to get cash everyday, because if I did my 'customers' would run out of money and I might even run out of ideas or info. Oddly, with Saotome Ranma's behavior lately you'd think I'd be rolling in yen. Ever since the failed wedding, he's been... well... moody so to speak. He's been giving everyone the cold shoulder, angry eyes, or harsh words ever since then. So far the only ones unaffected are Akane-imouto, Auntie Nodoka, Kasumi-oneesan, Tofu-sensei, and maybe one or two others when I'm not around.

Even I was targeted by the new angry Ranma-kun. It was because of what I did before the wedding, I gave out invitations to the Amazons, the Kuno's, and Ranma-kun and Akane-imouto's class including Kuonji Ukyou and Ninomiya Hinako-sensei. Or to be more precise, I sold invitations to them. Our parents wanted the ceremony to be a secret, so originally there weren't any invitations. I figured if we had some guests they'd get some wedding gifts which would help them and the rest of the doujou out.

After that, the wedding kind of blew up in our faces--literally. Several of the guests brought actual explosives, and endangered my little sister's life. After that we got a restraining order against the Amazons, the Kuno's, Ukyou-san, and even Hibiki Ryouga who happened to show up and wreck the place. It basically states that none of them can set foot on our property without written permission from a resident. I doubt any of them will heed it any mind, but legally they'll be in trouble if they do. I also gave them each a little payback in my own particular way, except Ryouga-kun who disappeared before I could get him.

Ranma-kun and Akane-imouto were pretty pissed off at me too for what I did. I told them I thought that the others would take the invitation as a sign that they had lost in the game of acquiring Ranma-kun or Akane-imouto. I did have a feeling that some might try to get violent but nothing that Ranma-kun or Akane-imouto couldn't handle. I didn't see the possibility of explosives or just how bad things would get. I figured only a terrorist would bring a bomb to a wedding, and as essentric as all the rivals are, they're hardly terrorists. So I apologized and tried to make amends by giving my particular form of punishment to the wedding crashers. Ranma-kun himself had experienced this before, so he knew just how bad I can be.

But I don't think Ranma-kun really knows just how bad I can be. You see, there's a reason that when I get the information I sell, I don't get caught. Otou-san always insisted that all three of us know how to defend ourselves when we got older, so he tried to teach us all some part of Anything Goes. Only Akane-imouto stayed a practicer, since Kasumi-oneesan had to take care of the house and I lost interest in it.

However, I do know some things about the arts. I don't know any offensive maneuvers so I can't attack, but I specialize in stealth and escape. It was good to ensure that when I wanted to see something no one would see me there and if I somehow was caught I could get away. It was far from perfect but it worked for my goals. Then I found out about the Umisen-ken and saw Ranma-kun practicing for it. I took note of what he did and tried it out myself in private elsewhere. So now if I don't want to be found by someone, no one can even try to. Oddly, I noticed Kasumi-oneesan do something similar when Ranma-kun created the Moko Takabisha. But why in the world would she be interested in channeling chi?

Things have gotten quieter here now so I check to see what's going on and get a small bite to eat. Ranma-kun and Akane-imouto are in her room going over some homework they've finished to make sure Ranma-kun got it right. Ever since the failed wedding those two have gotten more mellow towards each other and don't fight nearly as much anymore. Saotome Genma and Nodoka are asleep in their room, which Ranma is no longer in and sleeps in the other guest room now, to give them privacy. Otou-san's trying to watch some TV but appears to be losing interest and might go to bed soon. Happousai-jiji is gone off on his pantyraids again for the night. I don't notice Kasumi-oneesan around but I don't worry. Where else but here could she be?

I grab some onigiri and go back to my room. I pick up one of my mangas and read until I'm ready for bed. I've always been a 'late to bed, late to rise' sort of person. And despite that I still get to school before Ranma-kun and Akane-imouto do. Well, that will change in a few months when I graduate. I bet many people at Furinkan will be glad to hear me going. My sister and her iinazuke still have another year to go, but hopefully it won't be as bad now, especially with Kuno-chan being out of the picture then.

I won't be able to keep an eye on those two as much anymore, but I'll still try. I may be a little greedy, but I never said I was selfish.


	6. Akane, the Angry One

I should probably take a break from what I'm doing. Not that it's hard or taxing, but I'm having a hard time focusing on it now. I'm trying to do my homework and helping someone else do their's to. But they're most likely having a harder time with focusing on this then I am. Schoolwork was never Saotome Ranma's strong point or even an area of interest.

My name is Tendou Akane, youngest of the Tendou family and possibly the best known in this district. Not something to be proud of, I assure you. I'm the one the infamous hentai horde of Furinkan High used to ambush every morning. I'm also the one Ranma is always supposed to rescue from some kind of trouble. For some reason I have a weird habit of being targeted by someone that Ranma needs to defeat. The Joketsuzoku, the Phoenix, and the poorly named Pansuto-Taro, to name a few. Ranma always gets me out of trouble in a rather heroic way and I am grateful for that, but I wish I could get myself out a bit more. Or at least not be so targetted so much.

Ranma has done a lot for me in the time I've known him. He's also done a lot _to_ me in that time, mostly make me angry. It's probably the only thing he's better at than martial arts. Then again, I suppose that in his defense getting me angry isn't exactly the hardest thing in the world to do. I admit I have a bit of a temper, some would call a hair trigger type, but that's just who I am. I guess I just let things get to me and can't take criticism as well as I probably should. But with things the way they are in my life, don't I have the right to be more than a little irritated?

To start things off, one day my father from out of the blue tells me and my sisters that he arranged an iinazuke for one of us, the son of his oldest friend, whom he conveniently hasn't seen in over a decade and never even knew the son. What does he think this is, the Tokugawa era? Then when Ranma, the aforementioned iinazuke shows up, my sisters quickly decided I was the best choice because "he's half-girl" due to his curse and the fact I had a very low opinion of males at the time. Sure, I don't hate Ranma anymore and I'm quite used to his curse by now, but we have gone thru quite a rough patch during the past year. Now, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about him.

No, that's not entirely true. Do I love him? That's really a tough question for me to answer, at least out loud. At the failed wedding, when he was asking all those questions, I asked him if he really loved me. I know he does, because I heard him say it back at Jusendou. I was unconscious at the time, or maybe even dead, but I _know_ I heard him say that as he held me in his arms. When I asked him that at the wedding, I wanted desperately to hear him say it again. And if he had, this is what I would have said to him: "That's why I'm agreeing to this wedding."

I guess to be honest, I do love Saotome Ranma. Sure, he can make me angry like no one else, but he has made a deep impression on my heart. He's saved my life several times and he's put my well being even above his chances for a cure for his curse. He learned martial arts cheerleading to avenge a humiliation of mine and took my place when that french guy with the monstrous mouth showed up wanting an iinazuke. Thanks again Otou-san. He's also kept me safe from Happousai-jiji and a few amazon tricks. Trust me, I can see why so many girls tend to fall for him despite his flaws, and I guess I'm one of them.

I'm also positive that Ranma cares for me too. He tends to get jealous when other boys, even P-chan, get too close to me. Just like how I get jealous when girls are too friendly with him. I know at those times I shouldn't get angry at him for their actions, but he could at least be more assertive at getting rid of them. Plus, when I'm upset, I don't think straight, like most people. He also came to Ryugenzawa to apologize to me for not trying some decent-for-once curry I made and stayed to save me from being eaten by the Yamato no Orochi, even after I slapped him. Basically, I don't think Ranma would deal with me after all the crap I give him if he didn't care for me or love me.

Ah yes, all the crap I give him. After the wedding, I kind of had to take a look at myself. I can see why I like him, but before we get married, I think I should see why he would like me. To be honest, after I looked, I didn't like what I saw. I get angry too easily and react too violently, I try to force him to eat my cooking and say it's good, and I hate being insulted in any way. And worst of all, all this time I've seemed to have a "I don't want you near me, but I especially don't want you near anyone else" kind of attitude towards Ranma. I hate to say it, but the truth sadly is that sometimes I can be a real bitch. But I want Ranma to love me and maybe even marry me, so I have to be nicer to him. It takes two to tango and I can't expect him to be the only one working for our relationship. Why would he want to if I go on acting like I refuse to acknowledge one unless someone else tried to claim him?

That's part of why he's here in my room doing homework with me. I'm trying to become a nicer girl so he can feel comfortable admitting he loves me, for whatever reason he has. Another reason is that I think he's trying to do the same thing. Ever since the failed wedding, Ranma has been at everyone's throats. They all really made him angry too, but he's never even looked at me like he was upset with me. And he's been acting less hostile and abrasive to me. I think he might have realized how he appears to people and, like me, didn't like what he found and wants to better himself. I sure hope so, because then we might soon have a chance for a real relationship. Wouldn't that be nice for a change?

I think it might actually work out, as long as Ranma doesn't screw up and make me angry again. Here's hoping.


	7. Ranma, the Wild One

Man this stuff is so boring and pointless. Do I really hafta know all this junk? What good is it going ta do me later in life? Sure, the sensei's all say we need ta know math and history and all the other mumbo-jumbo, but I've never seen anyone older than me depend on that. Even the most sensible adult I know, Tendou Kasumi, doesn't use this stuff as far as I know. But my tomboy iinazuke here is making me work on this stuff and well, she can send me flying if she wanted to. Which she has done before more times than I care ta count.

Ya must know me, everyone does. I'm Saotome Ranma, the Wild Horse, world's greatest martial artist. I've beaten everyone that's dared ta face me in combat. I've endured some of the harshest training imaginable, including learning the horrible, horrible Neko-ken technique. Ya don't know hell until you've been thru that, no matter what Hibiki Ryouga claims. I've faced people that you could only meet in your dreams or the unluckiest day in your life. People like Saffron of the Phoenix, Herb of the Musk, Cologne of the Joketsuzoku, Pansuto-Taro, and possibly the worst one of all, Happousai-jiji. The only good thing about all these is that they've made me stronger.

But the chaos of it all is just too much. Seriously, does some kind of kami have a vendetta against me? Who did I piss off in a past life ta deserve all this crap? You're probably wondering just what kinda chaos I'm talking about. I wish it were the type normal for a seventeen year-old. But nothing's that easy for me. First, I have a curse, a real actual curse. I turn into a well-developed redheaded girl whenever I get hit with cold water. Hot water makes me a guy again, but only till the next time cold water finds me. And it finds me a lot. I swear part of the curse is being a magnet for water ya don't wanna attract. Hot water is only drawn ta me those rare times when I don't wanna be a guy. I wish cold water wasn't so common.

And that's only the first part of the chaos. My baka father has gotten me engaged ta three women all ta fill his own fat stomach. People are out ta kill me or marry me on a regular basis, and the Kuno siblings are out ta do both because they can't see a damn thing about the curse. Tendou Nabiki uses me at every chance ta fill her wallet, and believe me, she's _very_ good at that. For the longest time I had ta hide from my mother because of a seppuku agreement Oyaji and her made when I was a baby. Luckily she's not enforcing it now, but it's still affecting our relationship. If the first impression your mom gave you was "Live as I expect you ta live or you won't live anymore", you'd have a hard time connecting with her too. And ta top it all off, several girls force themselves into my life for whatever they want however they want it whenever they want it and I'm supposed ta accept it all and please 'em all at once.

Ah yeah, girls and me. That is easily the single biggest part in the chaos of my life. I have three iinazukes, none by choice, and none can leave me alone long enough for me ta make up my mind on how to deal with everything. Every time I try ta figure out a solution ta this mess, more is added ta it and I don't know what ta do anymore. It would be easier if one girl didn't try ta control me and another didn't try ta hospitalize me. That doesn't help any of their cases.

Where ta start on that issue? Why not with the first girl on the iinazuke list, who just so happens ta be sitting right here next ta me? Tendou Akane, tomboyish, violent, macho, kawaiikune, thick-waisted Akane. She's the most aggressive girl I know, and yet she's the one that made the best first impression. She wanted ta be my friend right away, something no one else ever did, not even Ucchan. Then she found out I'm a guy in one of the worst possible ways and things took a very rocky start, to put it mildly. Our parent's are always trying ta push us together right away and that doesn't help. Neither does her horrible, _horrible_ cooking or her jumping ta conclusions or her bashing me for some stupid reason.

Next on the list is Shampoo of the Joketsuzoku. Bimboish, pretty, tough, catty in more than one way, manipulative, that's Shampoo in a nutshell. First she was out ta kill me because she lost a fight ta me back in China, that's why me and Oyaji had to leave instead of going back ta Jusenkyou ta fix our curses, and now she's out ta marry me for the same reason. It's because of some stone age law that applies ta non-amazons who fight amazons. Women who win are killed while men are forced ta be husbands. Because of her curse ta be a c-c-cat and my phobia, she can't make me go back ta China so easily so she's tried several times ta control or trick me. It's a good thing she's not very lucky with that sorta thing.

Finally there's Kuonji Ukyou, a.k.a. Ucchan. She's tomboyish, kawaii, friendly, creative, talented, and temperamental in her own way. She was my first real friend back when we were six, of course I thought she was a boy back then and for the next decade, up until I found out the hard way she never was. Even now part of me still has a hard time thinking of her as a girl. She's more like "one of the guys" as people would say. She sure talks and dresses like one. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware she's a girl, but I can't really connect ta her like one.

People expect me ta marry one of the three and do it soon. And even though each says "Pick one soon," I just know they're really saying "Pick me." Even Akane, although she'd just deny it. I hear Nabiki has a pool running on this with almost all the school in it. I almost did get married not too long ago ta Akane. We just got back home from China because of a mess involving the Phoenix and Jusendou, Akane actually died in my arms only ta somehow come back to life, and once we got home our parents tried ta force us into a wedding. It was the closest they'd ever come ta succeeding and we almost went thru with it, until it literally blew up in our faces. I was really pissed at the people involved in ruining the event, and I'm letting them know it lately.

Why was I so angry? It wasn't that I was upset the wedding didn't actually happen. It was because I had finally realized just which of the three girls I cared about. As Akane laid there, dead in my arms at Jusendou, I had never been so sad before. She came all the way ta China ta help me, almost drowned at Jusenkyou, and lost her life because of Saffron, who lost his life ta me for a time. As a phoenix he doesn't stay dead long. But Akane really did die, and then I realized that I loved her. I screamed that in my mind as I clutched her ta me, and she... she actually came back ta life. I don't know how and honestly I don't care. Once I saw her beautiful eyes and smile again, her face so fulla life again, I knew that wasn't a spur-of-the-moment thought. I love Tendou Akane.

Then things _had_ ta go wrong when we showed up back in Nerima. First our parents just _had_ ta have their own way and get us hitched so soon. Just what the hell is their hurry? Why can't it wait till we're at least graduated? Then Akane says she heard me say I love her, even thought I didn't say it out loud, that I can remember at least, and when I tried ta ask how she heard me she thought I was denying the whole thing. And then everyone who was invited ta the ceremony, thanks ta Nabiki, practically destroyed the place. So the wedding was cancelled and postponed until I can better settle the situation with the others. As if it was all my responsibility and problem. Figures.

That shouldn't be too hard. I've already told the amazons that as long as they drug me like a lab rat regularly I want nothing ta do with them. It doesn't matter if Shampoo is pretty and flirtatious, and willing ta let me know she's a natural purple if ya know what I mean. And I told Ucchan, much more gently, that I saw her as a friend and maybe like a sister, but not really someone I could see myself marrying now. She didn't take that too well. I'm just glad I heal well. I didn't bother saying a word ta the Kuno's since they're insane and no matter what Kodachi believes, she's not even an option as far as I'm concerned.

I haven't really been able ta say much ta Akane on the subject of our relationship. History shows that's not a subject I can safely bring up. But I have been nicer ta her and more mindful of what I say, and I'm relieved she hasn't been so punch-happy or mallet-happy either. I wanna know about her hearing me saying I love her, but I can't think of the best way ta approach that without triggering her habit ta misjudge me at bad times. Sure, she can be a real pain, literally and figuratively, but she's nice when she wants ta be and cute when she smiles. She's also made a bigger impression on my life than anyone else. Even I'm not entirely sure exactly how, when, or why I fell for her, but I did and I admit I want things ta work between us. Maybe even... marry her someday. Not now, someday.

I glance ta the side for a bit ta notice Akane. She seems ta be taking a moment ta think something over. Her birthday is coming up soon; she'll be turning 18. I plan ta get her alone for a moment and carefully bring up the subject we've carefully avoided and explain ta her just what I couldn't at the failed wedding. What comes next depends on her. If she doesn't love me back, then I'll cancel the engagement and maybe move outta the Tendou house. I don't think I could keep living here if that happened. But if she _does_ love me back, then I think we can actually start ta date and stuff like that. Maybe work our way ta strengthening the engagement. I'm not getting hopeful since I'm not the luckiest guy in Nerima. But a guy can dream.

I guess all I can really do is wait and hope my life doesn't get any more wild. Don't I deserve a break?


End file.
